Who knows...

Do you know who I really don’t like? Chat room hardasses. That’s right. The guy’s who pick fights ONLINE. I’ve mentioned before that I am a seasoned pro at Yahoo pool, and I will pretty much destroy everyone at Literati. To play any of those games, you have to be in a chat room, and if that isn’t a circus, then I don’t know what is. There are the 40-year old men masquerading as, “ hot 22/f,” in order to get their willy off during cyber sex. There are people like me, that just say things like, “ I am a few seconds away from kicking a rabbit.” THEN, there is the chat room hardass. Are these guys serious? It’s so maddening, because I know that this guy just finished masturbating to the female elf character on a Pokemon trading card, and he has the nerve to call me a pussy for no reason? I will literally beat him into a bloody pulp with the game board to Risk. Then I will cut him with a broken cd-rom of Sim City. I apologize for that. I got very little sleep last night, so I am not in the greatest of moods. I know I have been slacking this week. I am preparing for not only my many Fantasy Football drafts, but also a massive NFL preview column, that will surely rid this site of all female readers. Then, most likely, I will feel real bad about it, and write about fashion, or something extremely gay, and I will then lose every one of my male readers, which would mean I’d have no more readers. Then, I will get very depressed, and take a whole bottle of Midol, and cry myself to sleep, watching You’ve Got Mail. I love life.

There is something that has always bothered me. Why do we call Jim Beam and Coke, Beam and Coke, and Jack Daniels and Coke, Jack and Coke? Are we closer to Jim Beam? Why are we on a last name basis with him, and not Jack? I mean, Jack is just as cool, if not cooler. It’s just something to think about. I’m going to go have a Daniels and Coke.