My New Career

I feel like I keep having to apologize for not writing more often. The truth is, I have all but given up on writing, and now plan on focusing on my career as a professional poker player. Instead of writing entertaining tales involving Horse pulled buggies, and lots of malt liquor, I am playing countless games of online poker. I may not be Chris “Jesus” Ferguson quite yet, but I am well on my way. I soon will be the greatest that ever lived. A real nice guy named bigjugsarecool765 is currently mentoring me. I figured we would most likely see eye to eye on most things. However, we do disagree on the level of deliciousness of Crown Royal. That is beside the point. I am now sweeping the tables of Yahoo Texas Hold Em’, and BoDog, preying on every victim I see fit. Plus, you have no idea how much poker I watch on television. I am soaking it all in. I am a sponge for poker knowledge. I just know this hard work and dedication will pay off, much like this website has. I have pretty much labeled myself a marketing genius. For once, I may be right. This site went live in February of 2004. I basically told my friends, in which half thought it was really cool. The others beat me like a gay at a hoedown. I decided I needed some sort of marketing strategy. What’s the point of writing if nobody reads it? I went to every sports message board, and chat room, then I whored myself like a 17 year old Taiwanese girl. The number of readers grew, and now I am REALLY awesome. So, I know this hurts my loyal fans that I will be taking up professional poker. I’m good. I mean REAL good. (Ron Burgundy voice). I can still find time to write in between eight month drinking binges, and no limit tourneys. I plan on buying some sort of traveling apparatus that will not only feed my craving for fine liquor, but will also get me from point A to B without me losing feeling in any of my extremities. This is very important to me. I cannot play poker without limbs. This I’m sure of.

I just wrapped up another tournament victory. This is getting out of hand. I am just plain incredible. I defeated this sixteen-year-old girl from New Jersey, who was in her computer class. She was tough, but I came out with the win. The bell ringing for fifth period had no outcome whatsoever on my win, believe me. I was a couple hands away from putting her to shame. Okay, I am going to be honest here. I am NOT really going to become a professional poker player. I just said that to impress you. Poker was actually invented by Satanists in the depths of hell thousands of years ago. The Poker name really refers to the constant sodomizing that takes place in Hades. Okay, I made that up too. I just don’t have it today, folks. Have a good one.