Texas Tech

Texas Tech emerged as a premier college football program on Saturday night with a victory against The University of Texas. Finally, someone has punched those hookah smoking, hippie elitists right in the mouth. Texas Tech University is a microcosm of normal society. It’s a place where sorority girls still get pregnant, drunkards skip class on a regular basis, and students actually live in filthy old rental houses like students are supposed to. I’ve made my hatred for all things Austin very clear over the years. Although, I’ve had many of friends that attended the University of Texas or lived in Austin at some point, I still can’t get on board with the city. Is it not a California city in the middle of Texas? There are more Yoga studios than Ford trucks, and thrift stores are more expensive than Macy’s. I know I’m upsetting a lot of readers by bashing Austin, but at least it’s not College Station.

I don’t want to take anything away from the Texas football team. Colt McCoy sure doesn’t let the fact that he looks like a product of incest affect his resiliency! I’m not sure if you may know this or not, but Jordan Shipley and Colt McCoy are roommates. I know it was news to me too! I think watching that tipped pass fall through the defenders arms like Billy Bob trying to run the oopty-oop in Varsity Blues makes that last play sting that much more. Michael Crabtree is a real-life cheap video game player. Only a few people over the years have received the coveted title of cheap video game player.
1. Bo Jackson- Tecmo Bowl
2. Lawrence Taylor- Tecmo Bowl
3. Brett Favre- Quarterback Club
4. Randy Moss- NFL 2K
5. Andre Johnson- NCAA ‘01
6. Eric Crouch- NCAA ‘01

Tech has the chance to remove any doubt from the public’s eye with their remaining schedule. I wish they would also remove that creepy bell guy that always looks like he’s masturbating. There is no need for that. So, cheers to my fellow Red Raiders, or anyone who has drunkenly swerved to avoid a tumbleweed. To the brave souls that 8 hours into the drive to Lubbock had to turn on talk radio just to hear someone else’s voice. To the people who never bought any new clothes, because South Plains Mall was just too damn far away. To bootlegging tickets for buying a keg on the strip. To the best shitty town in Texas!