Pole Carnies

What is the definition of a carney? Is it their smell of funnel cakes and cabbage? Could it be the lack of a physical address? These are all very important characteristics that make up the carney. Let me start by saying, I fucking hate carnies. I mean, they scare me. I couldn't possibly tell you when I last attended a carnival, but I'm positive there's a reason for that. As we get older, a lot is made of what our generation did as children compared to what kids do today. I distinctly remember going to multiple travling carnivals as a child. That is downright horrifying! I unknowingly got on roller coasters that were packed in a UHaul just hours before, and even worse, my parents allowed it. I'm wondering if it was just common for everyone to have a meth addiction in the 80's. I've compiled a list of traits that define what a carney is.

1. Smells like the trunk of a car filled with dead fish

2. Addicted to Meth

3. Downright filthy.

4. A dedication to swindling you out of money

5. mentally and physically challenged in some way

6. Nomadic. Not Hunter and Gatherer nomadic; more like get hopped up on Meth and wake up in a tunnel somewhere in Central America. (Writer's Note: I'm not positive tunnels have been invented in Central America.)

Now, with these characteristics I've listed, is it fair to say that strippers are carnies? Strippers are nothing but Pole Carnies. They fit the carney profile perfectly. So fellas, maybe think of that next time you feel like going to a strip club. You're essentially going to an establishment filled with nude carnies trying to take your money. Don't let the Pole Carney ruin your marriage or finances. This has been a P.S.A.