I have had many encounters with the Church of Latter Day Saints, or the stormin’ Mormons as I like to call them. I applaud their effort in rigorously recruiting people to join their church, but if they’re going to come to my door, best believe they better send their brightest.
I had the unique and glorious opportunity yesterday to converse with two young men, one of them being predominantly Asian. I was enjoying a beer on my couch while watching the tiresome coverage of A-Rod when there was a knock at my door. I was hoping it was a singing telegram by a barbershop quartet or Publishers Clearing House, but I was sadly mistaken.
Mormon 1: Hello sir, how are you this afternoon?
Me: (drinking my beer) I’m having the best day EVER!
Mormon 1: That’s good, sir. I was wondering; do you believe in Jesus Christ?
Me: You mean Hosanna? Indeed I do.
Mormon 2: We’re here with the Church of Latter Day Saints. Have you heard of the Book of Mormon?
Me: Is that the new Harry Potter book?
Mormon 2: (utterly baffled) Um, no…it’s the…the…the um…way to eternal life.
Mormon1: Yes…it shares the prophecy of… (Unintelligible babbling).
Me: Yeah, I think I read that on the john at the library. Good book. I love when the dragon sets that town on fire, and the only guys left to save the world are Carlos Boozer and Mehmet Okur.
Mormon 1: You must be confused; may we step inside and share with you the wonders of our church?
Me: Did you just say the wonders? Awesome. Sorry guys, I just put my leopard to sleep, and he can’t resist a high quality white dress shirt for a snack.
Mormon 1 and 2: (silence)
Me: Let me know when the sequel comes out! Tell Brigham Young he still owes me $100! Peace be with you (door slam).
Random notes: Doesn’t “The Stimulus Package,” sound like the name of a porno?
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