Houston Laughstros Baseball

Where can I start with the Astros? I want to be bitter and angry, because the season is seemingly over through seven games, but I'm not. This, unfortunately has become the norm. Getting all bent out of shape about their shortcomings is useless. I've had season tickets since I was an infant, and my loyalty is never in question, but how many years do we have to start out saying the proverbial "well, if so and so stays healthy," or "if Throw Z. Ball can just locate his pitches," we may have a chance. This team has been absolutely torturous to watch. The most enjoyable things I've experienced at Minute Maid Park this year was a bike ride from a guy who wanted to be Cru Jones from Rad, and a raciat guy sitting behind me telling a story about fighting a Mexican bartender. Look, I want these guys to win. I also want that flying dog from Never Ending Story as a pet, but it just isn't going to happen. Winning baseball teams have commodities known as good players. The Astros don't have any, and have done nothing to convince me that they want to acquire some talent. Drayton's theme song should be Talib Kweli's "Just to Get By." He signs guys like "Casual" Matsui and Pedro Feliz. Just enough to say that he's bringing in people. I could drop an epic diatribe on Uncle Drayton's circus of a front office, but what's the point? I don't even know why I'm writing about this. I'm not enlightening anyone who has seen these clown dicks play. There are at least 10 things I'd rather do than sit through another Astros' offensive explosion. 1. Fight Manny Pacquiao 2. Let a fruit bat loose in my house 3. Steal pit bulls with the midget fron that strange show. 4. Get lost on foot in Kabul 5. Become notorious for starting trash fires 6. Trust anyone that spells Kris with a K 7. Sell Mary Kay cosmetics 8. Man an Alaskan Crab fishing boat 9. Bleed a blue color from my ears 10. Live in a traveling carnival's fun house Quick Notes: Treme on HBO looks like it could be legit. I saw lots of potential in the first episode, and with the guys behind The Wire on the project, I have no reason to not expect the best.