Some of my favorite weekends are those that I don’t have plans. Let’s be honest; I never have plans. That is unless you consider drinking too much and somehow living with otters for an extended period of time plans. One thing about getting older is the inability to sleep in. I used to be able to stay passed out like I slept in one of those Avatar machines, but not anymore. I usually lie in bed and go over a list of things that I could be doing to be productive, but am obviously never going to get around to. After that, I usually find a nostalgic movie on TV, and pick it a part scene by scene. Then, I have my obligatory hour long cry break before seamlessly transitioning into lunch.
Lunch typically doesn’t involve eating at all. This is more of a get dressed period, and the beginning of a countdown til I can start drinking without the accompaniment of shame or guilt. Keep in mind that’s next to impossible, but one can only dream. Wow, I’m really lame and depressing. I’m now regretting documenting anything I do. Yikes.
Things start to perk up come mid-afternoon. I pour a delicious cocktail, and then send unwarranted rare bird pictures to my friends. They LOVE this. That puts me in a good enough mood to start gambling my entire livelihood on some college team from somewhere like Manhattan, Kansas. If I win, riots. If I lose, riots. That, my friends is what we call a win-win, OR a class b misdemeanor. This all culminates in me passing out in what can only be described as a national park dressed like an animal that could never survive in that habitat. I don’t know why this makes me laugh. The eco-system is funny shit. It’s not? Oh. Okay. Anyways, this brings us full circle, and the vicious cycle continues. That is unless I am incarcerated for an extended period of time! Have a great weekend, people! I’ll see you around the bend.
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