I watched a fair share of the Olympics this weekend, and I came to a couple conclusions. 1. There is never a bad time to start up a USA chant. It's both hilarious and somehow awe-inspiring at the same time. 2. China is the scariest place on planet earth, aside from maybe a Scientology singles mixer. I always new Communism was a bad idea. Did you see the Chinese girl's gymnastics team? They all look six years old, and live and train at Chinese Death camps.
The Chinese Death camp is no picnic. Trust me, I know. I trained under the name Tao Jiun-Zougiu, which means "The Wingless Dragon." I have to say that child exploitation is not my favorite thing in the world. So much was made about Nike abusing children in their Asian shoe factories. Hey, at least they were making my Air Force Ones. That's productive. The Chinese Olympic Gymnastics team is put through unspeakable training routines at a young age, and their athletic career culminates with a brutal thrashing and a ticket to Shanghai to become the next Asian sex slave. I can see the look of despair on the girls' faces while they compete. They are so nervous and terrified of failure, they somehow forget that they can fly and float around magically. I saw Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. The Chinese can do some crazy stuff with their Oriental Black Magic.
Aside from the child abuse and overpopulation, do you know what scares me the most? These crazy looking stadiums and skyscrapers they're building. Who's their architect, Darth Vader? They have to be working with aliens. Who in their right mind would build a swimming facility out of bubble wrap? I bet there are Chinese products all over Ice Planet Hoth. F'n Communism. Okay, I'm through ranting. I'm going to drape myself in an American Flag and march through a Panda Garden. Peace.
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